How I dealt with being bullied.

I figured as there was so much I wanted to write about being bullied, I would write this under a separate heading and in a separate post. My first post if you have not already read it can be found here, and is about my bullying experience. This post though will be more advice, tips and what I did to help deal with being bullied. It was no way an easy journey for me and if you have already read my first post will know suicide was a re-occurring thought for me. My aim of this post is to be that helping hand for people going through bullying, for people wanting advice, to help someone they know being bullied or just for people to read and relate to.

Firstly I just wanted to mention I was bullied for approximately 7 years on and off which sounds so scary and such a lenghty amount of time to live with this pain and torture (literally it was) but it was just the reality of a dark situation I was in - bullies follow, there is not always an easy escape route.

My steps to dealing with bullying :

 1. Finding a person to talk to - This might sound pretty straight forward and simple to the average person but to someone being bullied it is by far that. Opening up about being bullied is such a hard step, simply because you feel ashamed, stupid, and embarrassed that this is happening to you - it is  degrading. Believe me though, - opening up to someone will help you so so much, not only because they can help you but also because it feels like a weight has been lifted of your shoulders. They will be able to support you, lend you a shoulder and be that listener throughout this heartbreaking time. For me it was easy as I had my mum and she was my rock but I know not everybody has a mum or a dad or even a family so in that case you need to look at your other options. There is somebody out there that will care for you, believe me when I say that, so if your in care I urge you to speak to your support worker because even if you don't think it - they DO care for you, or if you don't have a family think of the nicest teacher at your school and go to them - they will listen! Once you have this person make sure you speak to them on a regular basis, it helps with relieving the pain and being able to have a regular cry.

2. Write a list about what you want to achieve in life - to do list, dreams, aspirations etc.! - This is an absolute vital step. To keep my mind of things I wrote a list of things I wanted to achieve, ambitions I had and dreams I dreamt of being my reality. Below the things I wanted to achieve would be an action plan of how I would achieve them - qualifications I needed and paths I would have to take in order to get there. This had a firm place on my wall. You are going to be the person that comes out on top. Nine times out of ten bullies are nobodies, people who lack intelligence, ambition and have no desire to make anything of their life. Most people get bullied for a reason and its normally jealousy, so don't let them win. Keep your goals and dreams close to your heart and keep that in mind when you feel close to giving up - know that YOU are going places and have a reason to keep fighting. This list was there with me throughout my 7 year experience and being able to tick of a step each time I made an achievement or completed something made me be able to feel that tiny bit closer to my external goal - I had to keep strong and keep going!

3. Delete or block people on social networking sites - To me this one of the biggest forms of bullying there is in society now - cyber-bullying. With such a rise in social networking sites like facebook and twitter, it is such an easy place for bullies to target their victims. I had facebook and MSN purely to speak to the few friends I did, who mostly were people I had met out of school or on line - this was one of the few ways I could socialise and have people to talk too. I wouldn't have the bullies on neither but they would ALWAYS find a way to get things to me. It was awful. At one point I ended up changing my name and making a facebook under a new account, that was the only way out for me. My advice therefore is to avoid having these sites - I know its not fair and I use to think but why should I have to sacrifice speaking to the few friends I have because of the bullies? but it is just an easy way for the bullies to get to you so make a unknown account, block the bullies so they can't see your profile and only add the people you trust. At least this way you can escape bullying on the Internet and have a little bit of peace in your life.

4. Get a hobby - This is another way that helped me take my mind away from the fact I was being bullied. Keeping busy and doing things is key. If you allow yourself to sit and start dwelling about these people that is when it really starts to break you, bullying is so physcological - I know because I have been there and done it - depression is such a dark place. There were times where all I would do it sit and cry into my pillows but getting a hobby and finding something to do after school kept my mind of that and allowed me to meet new people. I was already a keen musician playing both the flute and piano but I decided to join an orchestra to try and make some new friends.

5. See a counsellor - Throughout college I had counselling twice a week - in all honesty my counsellor was not the best but saying that it was still a refreshing  2 hours a week where I was able to let my tears and thoughts out. Try and see a counsellor who expertise in bullying.

You might be thinking at this point but these  are tips and advices that is not going to stop be being bullied - what is the answer to stopping the bullies bullying me?

If i am honest you will never find that answer. Each bullies are different, sometimes if you are lucky the bullying will just one day stop - bullies get bored and the more you put a brave face on and show them it is not getting to you, the more it annoys them until they gradually give up and move on to their next victim. Most people ask me what about moving schools? This is something I was looking into when I was being bullied, I thought that moving school would be the only way I could well and truly see the back of the bullies but to be honest with you this won't always work either. Bullies follow their victims, so it don't matter where you go they will still find you. If your bullying is not too severe though, going to a new school can work. Going to a new school though can be so much hassle though as for me I was going through my GCSE's at the time, so there was no way I could possibly move schools without having to stay back and retake years as exam boards are different at most schools and it would have really disrupted my studies. Personally I would just try to hang on, I know it's not easy, in fact its torture - leaving school always seems a million miles away but believe in me - get a calender and count the days down this is what I did and to be able to tick my last day off was the best feeling ever. I wish that had of been the end though but college was just the beginning...

My bullying eventually stopped when I went to university, I don't why - maybe they had got bored and found someone new to pick on? But thankfully it did. So for me to tell someone how to stop bullying is a really hard question because sometimes no matter what you do it just doesn't go away, but my one firm piece of advice I would give is that keep going, don't give up, follow all my helpful steps in dealing with the bullies and making it less painful and hopefully one day you can beat them too.

Bullying scares and that's what people do not realise. To this day my confidence is still 0% - it mostly affected me in my appearance and I still have absolute break downs about how I look. I hate it and I wish I could be that confident girl who felt pretty, I really wish I could because it destroys me when I get ready some days.

I just want to know I am here for everyone and I hope you have found my post useful!
Lots of love,